he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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