I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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