I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
