The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Panties = found
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
