Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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