I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
