you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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