You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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