I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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