You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
