Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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