you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
