I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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