you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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