i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
