Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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