Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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