I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
