Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
