It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
