Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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