The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
