I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
