We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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