I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
