Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
