Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
operation harelip BJ is a go
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
