she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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