I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
