you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
