we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
