The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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