ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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