oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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