I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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