hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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