i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the day after is always just damage control
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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