Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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