Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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