just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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