guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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