my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
