just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
