idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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