I love black thongs
I think I am morally bankrupt
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
