i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
