Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
