She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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