I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
