You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
