just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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