She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
