Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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