??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
